I want something else...

to get me through this...kinda life...



...wish we could get back there... from the place we used to start...

Ok... this tune is from 1997... does that make it old? 11 years? hmmmm it totally fits... the music picks you up... the lyrics remind you to search for something beyond... of course I pick and choose the portions of lyrics I want to remember since pieces totally don't apply. but hey... when you don't write your own tunes.. it is hard to be too picky, right?

I think the reason why my head is in this space these days is I'm grappling with the fact that once you choose a road in life - no matter how bumpy and hard and uphill it is... you have to just keep going... you can't turn around necessarily and there aren't always exits handy. Keep on, keeping on.

When you are one of the drivers on the car going up that hard road, you have to keep a poker face, and an attitude of it will be ok. Kids smell fear, they sense disappointment; they yearn for comfort, routine, structure, positive reinforcement and unconditional love. In a world that requires us to keep driving on that road, no matter how bumpy it is, at a faster and faster speed, on less and less support, sometimes it is hard to find the right route and the right reasons to make pit stops. Kids don't seem to come with users' manuals and parenting must rely so much on faith and intuition.

So... will our littlest keep his glasses on his face or in his backpack so we don't have to buy another pair? Will he work toward being good with the reward system we've put into place? Will our middle son continue on his path of becoming less stressed about school so that the anxiety attacks subside? Will our oldest focus to get all he needs to get done and continue his path of success in school despite the ADHD and learning disabilities challenges? And will our sweet baby girl not get lost in the shuffle?

I love second life but right now my real life has me on overload. Thank you in advance for understanding if I just zip in and out. It's Tuesday... so that's a good thing, right? Tomorrow is hump day... then we are on the downhill of the week. Keep on keeping on... in this semi-charmed kinda life.

So... on that note... I will step back from that ledge...

A Little Tip I Used ALL Week + More You Don't Really Need To Know

Thank you www.drjoegrillo.com/brochures.htm for sharing your image online so I could adequately describe my week.

And.. when that didn't work... I would repeat the following mantra over and oveR and ovER and oVER and OVER. God Bless Jerry Seinfeld! Hoo!


I woke up this morning feeling like I had been run over by a mac truck... oh wait... that was yesterday morning. But this morning... I opened one eye - just enough to peek and looked around at the sunlight filtering through the blinds and squinted to see the clock and thought it's SATURDAY! We made it to SATURDAY! A week ago... I was having trouble seeing the forest for the trees. The checklist for the week made me want to run screaming for cover.

I do well with multitasking. I can handle a full week at work. I can handle a full week at home. It is when the three come together to make the perfect storm that my head literally pops off. My poor husband's head had popped off long ago so together, as raw nerves, we proceeded through our week. I have to thank my colleagues at work for their tremendous ability to form a team and just GO! The event at the zoo was amazing (probably material for another post) and a fantastic kick off to good things to come for our little organization (insert big grin). The family events that seemed never-ending just happened, one after another, and my fearless partner in crime was more than willing to make last minute trips to the store, and join me in just keeping his head down focusing on the end goal - surviving the week.

For my own purposes, I have to recap in chronological list from start to end - NOT to induce a panic attack from post-tramatic stress but to celebrate. CELEBRATE! Hoo!

Sunday: Mom's birthday celebration including waterballoons and slip n slide in the backyard for our crazy kids. Yes, the temperature was 110 degrees - and the hot car makes things even MORE challenging.

Monday: What was Monday anyway? Ummmm Hmmmm gear up day I think for what was to come.

Tuesday: Twin's 5th Birthday - pizza and cupcakes at school, Build-a-Bear family excursion and... their favorite dinner... mall food court Hoo! Then hostessing at Savoy on a new shift where I botched the time... (thank god my SLfriends are forgiving)

Wednesday: Scramble for last minute details for the big event. 3 additional work meetings. Why? Why? Why? D had graduation work so the kidlets and I had "he-who's" for dinner and hung out. I hosted at the Hive - yes, I had scheduled Friendly Fire who ROCK - but again WHY do I do this to myself? Thankfully my SLfriends again were forgiving... (small worry creeps in about using up all my chances). Brutal dust storm hit today. Does wind add to frantic"ness"?

Thursday: The event. Leave for work at 6:30 am. Drive behind the scenes at the zoo :) Pray for serenity now and the right words to supernaturally happen (yes it DOES work! HOO!) Success Success Success. 65 attendees, 35 trained, only minor technical glitches. WHEW!Celebrate by driving across the Valley to get a new Blackberry. And... OMG! It was only in the 70's today and we had rain! There SOOOOO is a God!

Friday: D heads out at 5:30 am to get the last minute thank you flowers for kids' teachers. A MUST for the last day of school. (Thank those teachers please!!). Half day of work for me with about 3 wardrobe changes because I am too exhausted to make basic decisions. Come home in time to join the St*rbrooks crowd for a sidewalk dance party and then round my RL crew up again for 1 last celebration - Rachel's dance beach party at preschool. Rain, rain, and more rain. It is like liquid gold for Phoenicians. MMMMMM. Yes, weather makes a difference. It helped to have it rain. I ran in to host at The BeeHive - late yet again but thankfully to understanding owner and had a successful event still.

Serenity Now! Serenity Now! Serenity Now! My butt is sooooo not leaving this couch much today. I don't care if D spends the entire day snoozing it up and all the kids run amuck. Cheers to teamwork and forgiveness and supportive family and good friends. My la vida loca couldn't happen without you. And yes, it goes without saying, I MUST reserve the title of "Crazymaker" for me. At least we never cease to get a lot accomplished :) I would hate for anyone who knows me to say they were bored. Mmmmmmwwwwaaah! (a.k.a. big kisses to all those who know me and put up with me)

Sunday Stress

When I was a teacher in the classroom, Sunday's were predictable. I would spend the day at school working on my classroom, making copies, getting things ready for the week. It was a way to work through the nervous energy that rippled through me as I psyched myself up for the trials and tribulations that a week teaching high school students brings. I loved teaching. I loved the challenge. I loved the laughs. But eventually, the stress got the better of me. It was time to try something new.

Moving into the non-profit world I found my hours increased by leaps and bounds. Hard to imagine that I could work more having come from the classroom - but it is true. 60 hour weeks and year round schedules. I think the difference is in the year round part. Being a teacher, you pace yourself like a runner. You know you have to get a certain distance over a certain time period. You take breaks for water but you plug on through. The transition from one world to the year round world required me to rethink my pace. The first few summers were hard. I always worked through the summer as a teacher at the community college but it had the highs and lows of a new job and that was an adrenaline rush in itself.

Having been at this job now almost 7 years in June, I have the pacing down. But it is the travel recovery before and after that gets me. I love to travel. I have always enjoyed the trips I take for work. Adventures in networking with new colleagues. Nothing better than traveling back East to the PBS mothership :) But, along with travel comes a hangover. Not from drinking too much, but from jet lag, from the intensity that comes with being "on" almost 16 or 18 hours a day and worrying about all the happenings at home that I should be there for. They are fine at home. I have a great home team. But it doesn't stop the worry.

I'm back now after almost a week away. 3 nights is my maximum in good conscience. 4 full days. I think that might have been when I spent all day Friday with a migraine. Stress hangover? Hard to gear up then for all the events in the days to follow. I know it may sound silly. But preschool graduation, mom's birthday, the twin's birthday, a major work event at the Zoo later in the week where I facilitate the program, and then the last day of school and organizing all the presents for teachers are enough to make me want to go back to bed and not get up until next week. All this on top of voicemails and non-urgent emails I let await me until I returned to work this week. Xanex anyone?

I'll default to my best strategy. My best strategy is to put my head down. Focus on one event at a time and not think too hard about the rest until one is accomplished. Then, on to the next. Prayer works well too. I need to turn it over instead of just lament it. Breathing always helps. Maybe a few yoga stretches. Its only 10 am on Sunday. Plenty of time for me to deploy my strategies. All those, and a few slip n slide trips with my kids in my parents' backyard should be the perfect remedy.

There is a science to all this - happiness and stress and anxiety you know. I'll leave you with this thought I found...

The answer lies in the pie chart theory of happiness. Recall that 50 percent of individual differences in happiness are governed by genes, 10 percent by life circumstances, and the remaining 40 percent by what we do and how we think?that is, our intentional activities and strategies. The secret of course lies in that 40 percent.
~ Sonja Lyubomirsky "Get Control of your Happiness"

In the meantime, I find a way to peek at those emails and check voicemail later today. A pre-emptive strike on my week ahead. Hopefully I can squeeze in some Hooing too in SL. A few deep breaths in and out... and I'm off!