So is the number 13 lucky or unlucky? Is the glass half full or half empty? It all depends on the angle from which you view the number or the glass. Most would say we are negative beings by nature as we grow older. It is easier to expect something bad. It takes considerably more energy to envision something positive. Brain research tells us it takes at least 10 to 15 positive statements to overshadow 1 negative statement. So... with all this being said... I can see why we think 13 is unlucky.
Bigd and I just recently celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. Lucky or unlucky? I say lucky. No marriage is perfect and every marriage is different. Marriage takes a lot of twists and turns you are never warned about in the "Happily Ever Afters" you read about as a little girl. It also isn't the 50-50 even split you think it should be when you agree to spend the rest of your life with someone. Sometimes it is 60-40 or 75-25 or even 90-10. It is a give and take. It is a really loud yelling match with no agreement and a quiet never ending snuggle under the covers. It is celebrations and sadness. It is family, teamwork, silliness, laughter, compromise, and bottom line-end of the day - committment to make things work. Long Haul. It is lucky - but it is much much more than lucky.
When I taught writing, I used to have my students draw roadmaps of their lives. I told them to be creative in the shape, the twists, turns, and other features they would include on their roadmaps. As I thought of what this post would become over and over in my head last night, I thought I would share some of the markers on our "Lucky 13 Roadmap." Kinda personal - sure. Universally human - undoubtedly yes!
By Year 5 in our marriage, Bigd and I had 2 beautiful baby boys, owned our first home, completed 2 Masters' degrees, and survived 3 part-time jobs in order to make ends meet in addition to our teaching careers. By Year 7, Bigd and I had endured a miscarriage and a major career change. By Year 9, twins - a beautiful baby boy and girl - had entered our lives, major career change had led to promotion, more part-time jobs had been endured and a move was in the works. After the twins arrived, life went into permanent fast-forward. A major move, teaching job changes, and a kick-ass daily commute were new notches on our marriage. Year 12 a silly thing called SL came along. It offered a whole new host of things to explore, experience and think about. Celebrating "Lucky 13" has brought amazing new challenges for Bigd and I to face - together - as a team. I am confident we can do it. I am committed to our team and every member on it. I remind myself it is all about the perspective.
My glass is half full - approaching full every day. 13 will be lucky. I can't picture it any other way!
4 comments:
I too see the thirteenth year in no other terms. I've enjoyed every drop that has been poured, spilled and left in the carton of our marriage. Sometimes I just think to myslef and say,"damn are you lucky or what!"
Marriage is life in a nutshell, it can't be viewed in any other terms if you want to thrive. It does take a lot of work to make it go but all the effort put forth is worthwhile when I see your sleeping face as the light begins to creep in our bedroom. I sigh deeply and instantly reconnect with all the love in my heart for you.
We have a kick ass marriage! We have done alot in our years together. You graciously thank me for being a good partner but it could be no other way. Our accomplishments are so intertwined I don't bother to seperate this from that.
To me the crowning achievement in our union is the four little souls we have helped usher into this life. They are each unique but all have the same base line of love and giving towards others. I really feel that they are a true reflection of our love.... Damn I'm lucky.......
Kisses all over your mutal admiration blogging face... and a thank you for not just doing this while you read what I had to say...
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No marriage is ever easy. Anyone who tells you that is a big fat liar. C and I will have been married 8 years this June. Our roadmap is quite a bit different, but it's ours nonetheless.
How SL fits into things, we are still figuring out on a daily basis. There are days I feel it strengthens us and days I feel it slowly pulls us apart, but in the end, when I feel his cold toes on mine under the covers, I know we're in it for the long haul. Fights, arguments, good times, bad times and all.
Congrats on your 13 years and here's to another 13!
Hey Jenda - Thanks for your comments and congrats on the roadmap of your 8 years of marriage too. It is tough. What is up with people keeping that such a secret from those not yet married? :) heehee Maybe it is that they know that despite how tough it is - it is all worth it - cold toes and all! Cheers to creatively keeping warm ;)
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