Some Days Are Harder Than Others...

I found this in my email today - or it found me really. Sorting through old email can be a good thing. I love it when the order of the universe hands you exactly what you need sometimes to make it through - for me it is God, for others it is a higher power, call it what you want, I don't want to scare anyone away.

Anyway - I was bombarded by various tales of stressful things as I began my work day - some more societal in nature, and some more work related. Either way - it immediately wore me down. I had to make a conscious decision to clear my mind and focus on all the good things and blessings in my life, and the lives of my family and friends.

So... here is what the email said -

The Beauty of Confusion

Mathematicians sometimes speak of a proof as beautiful or elegant. Many solutions to everyday problems feel the same way when they first reveal themselves. But prior to most new solutions comes a period of confusion.

For me, confusion, "not knowing," is uncomfortable. I wish I could avoid it.

Then I remember the 4 room apartment - a model of change by Claus Janssen:

1. Contentment. No one changes in contentment, why should they?

2. Denial. I can't change in Denial. I am not aware that I need to change!

3. Confusion. Ahh, here is where people change.

4. Renewal. What a great feeling. Energy returns. Good news.

So, I need to remind myself in times of confusion that it is okay to "not know." Confusion makes me stop and think, reconsider my options. Not a bad thing usually.

So, why do I judge myself so negatively when I get confused? Why do I feel I have to "know" all the answers already? Is it because confusion causes anxiety and anxiety is uncomfortable? Well, yeah. So why is that good?


Because it forces me into action: Confused and anxious I have to seek relief. I am forced to stop flying solo, to reach out and ask for help, to talk to others, to check reality with a colleague, to exercise until I can breathe easy again.

Perhaps I am wired backwards but I usually have to get into action when I am anxious as opposed to waiting until I can figure it all out. I used to joke that I am like Robert Redford's character, the Sundance Kid - "I'm better when I move."

By making me anxious and forcing me into motion, confusion pushes me toward clarity - and that is a beautiful thing.

~ Mark Bryan, The Artists' Way At Work

I feel right now I'm facing a number 3 moving into a number 4. But, the beauty of this model, in my humble opinion, is its simplicity and its nature that is so circular. I find hope that it is a process not simply a means to an end.

Onward into Wednesday with those deep thoughts of clarity safely tucked in my pocket.